Sunday, April 20, 2008

Mr. Potato Head Politics

This is half-assed, but I decided to post it so that there was something new this week before a LOST-post next weekend. I like Michael and Pam and Dwight, as well as Jack and Liz Lemon, but nothing is better than Jacob and Ben, Desmond and Sayid. Anyway, on to this post...

By now, most everyone who pays even peripheral attention to politics has seen footage of last week's Democratic Presidential debate between Sens. Obama and Clinton. The way the debate's first hour was handled by ABC moderators has been criticized from a number of different angles, but Sen. Obama's camp was without question the most dismayed and taken aback by the questions posed. However with all due respect to two of George Stephanopoulos' most awful moments - the "does Rev. Wright love this country as much as you" and the "I know you don't want to talk about it" dismissal of a Clinton-Richardson conversation - ABC let a Pennsylvania citizen - Nash McCabe - provide the greatest unintentional highlight of the befuddling evening. In response to Obama removing an American flag pin from his lapel early on in his candidacy, McCabe asked if Obama believed in the American flag, but tried to soften her question by saying the inquire was not intended to question his patriotism. It seems as if as long as the question wasn't "Do you believe the American flag actually exists in physical form?", McCabe was questioning his patriotism. Since Obama is both hesitant to wear the American flag pin and is sick of having to answer questions about it, here are some prop/flair suggestions for Obama to wear during the next debate so that people clearly knows about his love of America and its citizens. We could each make our own Barak-debate doll, plugging in the pieces of flair we would want our leaders to wear on the trail. It'd be Mr. Potato Head politics. I personally think it would be hilarious if he walked onto the podium looking like this, displaying the minimum 37 pieces of flair.

Captain America's Shield

Nothing says "I love this country" more than wielding a nigh-indestructible convex shield made from a fusion of vibranium and with an experimental steel alloy measuring 2.5 feet in diameter. It would serve a number of purposes. First, it is red, white and blue - the most successful color-scheme in world history - and presumably made in the USA. Patriotic and economically stimulating! More questions from the moderators that Obama doesn't want to answer during the debate? CLANK! across the questioners grill. Hell, the ricocheting shield toss could take care of multiple moderators AND Clinton in a single toss. And the shield has already defeated the Nazis. The GOP and shadow terrorists would hardly be a test of its power. Clearly, the shield would be a bigger addition to the campaign than Oprah.

World's Greatest Dad Mug

Defending oneself for two straight hours must parch one's throad. That's why instead of having a boring, standard water glass, Obama should clearly drink some Dunkin Donuts coffee - the brew of the masses - from a "World's Greatest Dad" mug between questions. Because nothing says "World's Greatest Dad" like having to tell your school age kids that they will have to follow daddy and mommy to Iowa for two months in the winter, then around to a cadre of other states and then maybe they will have move into a house Mr. Rezko didn't buy for them.

Coexist Headband

What better prop to draw attention away from one's Dumbo ears than to sport one of these stylish wears across one's forehead for the duration of the debate - or maybe just one appropriate question. It is a simple way to appeal to three separate Demographics - Christians, Jews and Muslims at the same time! - while connecting with one of the world's most recognizable and socially active stars - Bono. In fact, I would suggest that Obama wear exclusively Bono outfits, namely this one, and this one, and this one.with former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill.

Presidential Seal Accessories

What says "I'm both Presidential and America-loving" better than walking out with a fist full of arrows in one hand, an olive branch in the other, and a dozen sheets of toilet paper being held in his mouth with "E Pluribus Unum" scrawled on it?

Statue of Liberty Crown Souvenir

He may have an aversion to wearing red, white, and blue, but there is a color that everyone understands and can agree on especially when Mother Economy is on vacation in China - green. The stylish Statue of Liberty crown would be a wonderful addition to Barak's wardrobe.

There have to be more, but I can't get myself excited to write about them.

1 comment:

Hayley said...

Haha for a half assed post, that was a pretty hilarious idea. The image of Barack in the Liberty crown debating Clinton or McCain is priceless. I think he should show up in the flag-as-dress, Marilyn Monroe style, skinny legs bared to the world. Happy Birthday, Mr. President!